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I’ve been thinking about anxiety and how much bad press it gets.
To be honest this is entirely understandable. Severe anxiety can be completely debilitating. Cognitively, it can hijack our ability to focus and to make decisions. It can leave us with the distressing physical symptoms of hyper vigilance, panic and being frozen. Emotionally, we can feel agitated, fearful, overwhelmed and out of control. Who would choose to be anxious?
However, whilst we may not choose it, anxiety might in fact be the clearest indicator that something in our lives needs to change. David Smail suggests that ‘to fall prey to anxiety is, at least in part, to fall out of self-deception’. We can no longer carry on pretending that everything is OK. The philosopher Søren Kierkegaard goes as far as to say that anxiety is ‘the price we pay for freedom’ as it makes us aware of our possibilities and confronts us with our own responsibility.
This suggests that anxiety is also about choice. Without choice we would not spend time worrying about each decision or playing out various scenarios within our head. So why do we have anxiety when we believe there is no choice? Because usually there is always a choice but we don’t believe we are capable of doing whatever that choice entails. For instance, if we are in a job we hate but believe we cannot leave (for many understandable reasons such as financial or personal obligations/responsibilities or lack of confidence) we may become anxious that we are not living our best life and begin to detest where we are. Choosing to leave will open us up to the responsibility of that decision and the associated emotions which might include painful ones such a guilt.
Consequently, we might site other people as the reason not to leave ‘they won’t be able to cope without me’ or ‘I can’t change the lifestyle I have built up for my family’. However, we cannot be held responsible for other peoples’ emotions, they will have to find their own ways of dealing with the anxiety of being able to cope without you or not living the way they have been used to. That doesn’t mean we can’t help prepare them for change and it is possible the improvement in your mental health will have greater impact on loved ones then any changes in circumstances.
So next time we’re anxious perhaps we need to spend a minute befriending this feeling and reflecting on what it is trying to tell us. Which of our dearly-held values are threatened so much that all our states of being (cognitive, physical, emotional and spiritual) are awakened and demand attention. Talking things through with someone you trust who is impartial can certainly help. Whilst they cannot take the responsibility away from you they can share your discord and help you feel supported.
David Smail (1984) Illusion and reality: The language of Anxiety
Søren Kierkegaard (1844) The Concept of Anxiety
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